i got to thinking about a lot of things today. hours and hours in a car with nasty weather will do that to you. i started thinking about love. there are so many different types of love, and i hate that. just because apples and oranges are both fruits doesn't mean they're the same. we all have different kinds of love for different kinds of people.
back when i started dating my now husband, i wanted to keep the kind of mad, whirlwind love we had. it happened so fast. love at first sight? not quite, but i sure was crazy about him. i wanted it to last, i wanted to feel that rush of romantic love forever. needless to say, it didn't last. you fall into patterns and routines and you get so used to each other that well, it's not the kind of love that takes your breath away anymore. but it's the kind of love that i love the most. the "old people still together after 60 years of marriage" kind of love. i like nothing more than to fall asleep on the couch, the cat sleeping above my head, him playing video games, a comfortable kind of love.
what's so wrong with that? i think people get so hung up in the kisses and roses that we lose sight of what love really is. just wanting to be around another person, not having to talk to them or engage them. you just want to be in their company.
i have a habit of saying "i love you". i didn't used to, though; it took me a long time to be able to say it. i wouldn't tell my family i loved them because it wasn't cool. i wouldn't tell my school boyfriends i loved them because that felt too weird. and then i met the crew, who used those words so freely it drove me crazy. and probably because of them, and because i love them so much, i say it all the time.
i leave the house in the morning and those are the last words i say to my husband. i hang up the phone with my best friend in the world and i tell him i love him. i always tell my parents and family i love them, every time i depart, whether its when i see them or when i talk to them.
maybe i use it too much but i'm just full of love these days.
i suppose this is a post to everyone who reads this blog. probably because i know its only good friends and family, but just so you know, i think you're fabulous.
and yes, i love you.
11.30.2010
11.29.2010
driving.
i work for a rental car company, so cars are kind of my thing. i love cars. all kinds of cars. i drive a different car every day and could probably tell you as much about the features of any car as well as a salesman could.
fortunately i also love driving.
the coolest perk about my job is the free car. i'll never forget the day i got promoted and they said, "take any car you want for the day." it was about labor day when i got the job, and the weather was perfect. sunny, not too hot, you could feel fall approaching; i couldn't think of a better day. there was a brand new ford mustang, white, tan leather interior. i said, "can i have that one?" to which my boss said, "absolutely." i had an appointment an hour away that day. i drove that car as fast as i could, music blasting, windows down. it was perfection.
i've gotten to take amazing cars home: a mercedes crusier, a hot camaro with the v8 engine, the adorable volvo c30 hatchback that was made for driving the backroads of west by-god virginia. i've also had to drive some horrible cars: the toyota yaris hatchback, the smartcar that makes you wonder what will happen if you get rear-ended, a salvaged corolla that was somehow still operable even with the entire driver's side smashed in, because they were the only cars left on the lot. but i still love trying them all out.
recently my job has caused me to spend less time in the air and more time behind the wheel, and i am so thrilled about this. i've had to go to places i didn't really care for, but at least the drive was nice. i could go the rest of the year without making another trip to wheeling, three hours away, but at least this time i get to do it in a sweet car. i'm hoping tomorrow is a great day weatherwise, i hope my boss doesn't mind my ipod, and i hope the cops have already hit their quota with the holiday traffic. it could turn out to be a fantastic day for a drive.
fortunately i also love driving.
the coolest perk about my job is the free car. i'll never forget the day i got promoted and they said, "take any car you want for the day." it was about labor day when i got the job, and the weather was perfect. sunny, not too hot, you could feel fall approaching; i couldn't think of a better day. there was a brand new ford mustang, white, tan leather interior. i said, "can i have that one?" to which my boss said, "absolutely." i had an appointment an hour away that day. i drove that car as fast as i could, music blasting, windows down. it was perfection.
i've gotten to take amazing cars home: a mercedes crusier, a hot camaro with the v8 engine, the adorable volvo c30 hatchback that was made for driving the backroads of west by-god virginia. i've also had to drive some horrible cars: the toyota yaris hatchback, the smartcar that makes you wonder what will happen if you get rear-ended, a salvaged corolla that was somehow still operable even with the entire driver's side smashed in, because they were the only cars left on the lot. but i still love trying them all out.
recently my job has caused me to spend less time in the air and more time behind the wheel, and i am so thrilled about this. i've had to go to places i didn't really care for, but at least the drive was nice. i could go the rest of the year without making another trip to wheeling, three hours away, but at least this time i get to do it in a sweet car. i'm hoping tomorrow is a great day weatherwise, i hope my boss doesn't mind my ipod, and i hope the cops have already hit their quota with the holiday traffic. it could turn out to be a fantastic day for a drive.
11.17.2010
pie.
this weekend i went to visit my family (that will be another series of posts altogether) out in missouri. my mom's entire side of the family lives out there, her sisters and their families, my gaga, everyone. they didn't know i was coming and it was so cool to surprise them with a visit! i hadn't been out there in a year and a half, and it was time to visit for a happy reason.
my gaga is such a good cook. she's the queen of comfort food. i could always count on there being some sort of sweet treat at her house; i love her gingersnaps, snickerdoodles, pies, just thinking about it makes me hungry. she can do some good beef brisket too, but i guess that will be a lesson for another day. i made a post about firsts, my first pie. i wasn't exactly a miserable failure, but i certainly wasn't pleased with the results, so i asked gaga to give me a lesson in cherry pie.
she taught me first how to thicken the cherries to make my own pie filling, adding what i decided was the secret ingredient to it to make it absolutely perfect. i had made a shortening crust before, and she taught me how to make an oil crust, so much easier to work with, and how to roll it out so it doesn't give you fits. she showed me how to make designs in the crust that are not only functional but add a little flair to an otherwise typical pie, how to pinch the crust so it looks good and the filling won't ooze out. all in all, it was piemaking 101.
do you know that was one of the best pies i've ever had? my uncle said it tasted just like a gaga pie, which was good. it was his birthday pie and he loved it. i was so proud. he even called my dad to tell him how great it was. making that pie was one of the best parts of the trip because not only did i learn something, it was so neat to bond with my gaga and learn her tricks. one of my favorite things about families are the traditions and skills we pass down, and i'm very thankful i learned the secrets.
i can't wait to make another one. the way it went over i have a feeling it won't be long before i do.
my gaga is such a good cook. she's the queen of comfort food. i could always count on there being some sort of sweet treat at her house; i love her gingersnaps, snickerdoodles, pies, just thinking about it makes me hungry. she can do some good beef brisket too, but i guess that will be a lesson for another day. i made a post about firsts, my first pie. i wasn't exactly a miserable failure, but i certainly wasn't pleased with the results, so i asked gaga to give me a lesson in cherry pie.
do you know that was one of the best pies i've ever had? my uncle said it tasted just like a gaga pie, which was good. it was his birthday pie and he loved it. i was so proud. he even called my dad to tell him how great it was. making that pie was one of the best parts of the trip because not only did i learn something, it was so neat to bond with my gaga and learn her tricks. one of my favorite things about families are the traditions and skills we pass down, and i'm very thankful i learned the secrets.
i can't wait to make another one. the way it went over i have a feeling it won't be long before i do.
11.01.2010
nana.
a year and a half ago, my nana passed away.
the weekend of july 18th, i had planned on going out to missouri to visit her, riding with my dad out there so we could save on gas and make the twelve-hour drive a little easier, but things just didn't quite work out. instead, i loaded up my husband and my brother and we made the trip a week early. if i hadn't made that trip i would have missed her.
i stayed with my aunt in the city where she was in the hospital. we went to visit her that saturday, and then sunday before we took off for home again. she looked so frail, not that she was a big woman to begin with, but so, small. fragile. she was quite talkative, though, and in a great mood, telling us about the nurses, and how she got ice cream every day. she called me by my cousin's name the whole time. then, it bothered me because i felt like she didn't know who i was, but looking back on it now, i laugh, remembering how she always did that, to me, to my dad, my brother. we stayed until i just couldn't hold back the tears or stand the smell of hospitals, the stench of urine and antiseptic and sadness. i went back inside to give her one last hug and to tell her i loved her.
i was in my hometown the night i got the call. dad was on the other end of the line while i sat in a gas station parking lot, sobbing, heaving, wondering how he was able to speak so clearly when i could barely breathe. sarah found me like that when she got back in the car and somehow we got to the house. i walked in and all i could say to thomas was "she's dead."
three days later i was back in missouri. it was the strangest time i've had to date. there were the funeral arrangements, figuring out what to do with all of the stuff you accumulate in 89 years, emotions running high and low. it didn't really click until we made it to the funeral home, and then it sunk in. so many thoughts in my head: she's gone. i really won't ever see her again. at least they did her hair and makeup well enough, she'd hate to look bad the last time we all see her.
when it was all said and done we went back to the house with the whole family. i wish i could say that it was a time of sadness but i think we were all so uplifted from the funeral that we were ok. it was a time of storytelling, learning what a badass my nana was, laughing at geico commercial references and being in awe of her war stories. we got trashed throwing lawn darts at beer cans in the backyard. it was a true alabama/west virginia good time with the cousins. all in all i think it was all exactly how she would've wanted it to be. even after she was gone, the house was filled with love and laughter and plenty of red wine.
her house finally sold, so my parents brought me some things from her house to then fill my house with reminders of her. the shinto artwork guarding my front door, happy god of wealth to grant my wishes.
i didn't cry until i pulled a japanese figurine from a box. i shook off all the packing peanuts and the scent of her perfume wafted into my living room. i can still smell it. its one thing i always associate with her.
i'm going to wear her hat again this weekend; another treasure from nana's house. i felt so classy in it. i love my nana so much, and while i know i'll never be as tough as her, as classy as her, as strong-willed as her, i can feel it for a little while when i'm "making a statement" in a bold feathered fedora. i know she'd be proud.
the weekend of july 18th, i had planned on going out to missouri to visit her, riding with my dad out there so we could save on gas and make the twelve-hour drive a little easier, but things just didn't quite work out. instead, i loaded up my husband and my brother and we made the trip a week early. if i hadn't made that trip i would have missed her.
i stayed with my aunt in the city where she was in the hospital. we went to visit her that saturday, and then sunday before we took off for home again. she looked so frail, not that she was a big woman to begin with, but so, small. fragile. she was quite talkative, though, and in a great mood, telling us about the nurses, and how she got ice cream every day. she called me by my cousin's name the whole time. then, it bothered me because i felt like she didn't know who i was, but looking back on it now, i laugh, remembering how she always did that, to me, to my dad, my brother. we stayed until i just couldn't hold back the tears or stand the smell of hospitals, the stench of urine and antiseptic and sadness. i went back inside to give her one last hug and to tell her i loved her.
i was in my hometown the night i got the call. dad was on the other end of the line while i sat in a gas station parking lot, sobbing, heaving, wondering how he was able to speak so clearly when i could barely breathe. sarah found me like that when she got back in the car and somehow we got to the house. i walked in and all i could say to thomas was "she's dead."
three days later i was back in missouri. it was the strangest time i've had to date. there were the funeral arrangements, figuring out what to do with all of the stuff you accumulate in 89 years, emotions running high and low. it didn't really click until we made it to the funeral home, and then it sunk in. so many thoughts in my head: she's gone. i really won't ever see her again. at least they did her hair and makeup well enough, she'd hate to look bad the last time we all see her.
when it was all said and done we went back to the house with the whole family. i wish i could say that it was a time of sadness but i think we were all so uplifted from the funeral that we were ok. it was a time of storytelling, learning what a badass my nana was, laughing at geico commercial references and being in awe of her war stories. we got trashed throwing lawn darts at beer cans in the backyard. it was a true alabama/west virginia good time with the cousins. all in all i think it was all exactly how she would've wanted it to be. even after she was gone, the house was filled with love and laughter and plenty of red wine.
her house finally sold, so my parents brought me some things from her house to then fill my house with reminders of her. the shinto artwork guarding my front door, happy god of wealth to grant my wishes.
i didn't cry until i pulled a japanese figurine from a box. i shook off all the packing peanuts and the scent of her perfume wafted into my living room. i can still smell it. its one thing i always associate with her.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)