talent, or perhaps lack thereof.

as i reevaluate the things i enjoyed back when i had free time, things i've mentioned here (running, theatre, crochet), i often wonder--when is it time to say, "well, i really enjoyed that back then."  and then move on.
i think the thing that bothers me most is the fact that i feel that i've lost some of the talent i once had.  maybe it was because i had more time to work on my talents.  or maybe i was just never really good to begin with, and i just had more time to fool myself into thinking otherwise.

until very recently, i hadn't played my guitar in public in six years.
i found a guitar in the lost and found in philadelphia, so i took it.  i took it and i used it and played for the first time in six years and, at least i think, didn't suck too bad.
last time i was home i tried to go to a bar down the street to play at their open mic, but it was electric.

tonight, as i sat on the couch saying to myself, "you can do this, or you can fall asleep on the couch.  again," i got up instead, drove over to the bar, and found out yet again, it was electric open mic night.
mind you, there's not a single other open mic night in town that offers an acoustic setting, i just continually miss it apparently.  and maybe it's just a moment in sadness that's got me thinking, but i often wonder, is the universe trying to tell me something?  maybe its time to hang it up?

i don't want to stop playing, but every time i get enough guts to try it, i get shut down.  maybe this is a clever way of telling me i shouldn't be playing in public for a reason.  or maybe it's just a trial to see how dedicated i am to it.

i suppose if i give it another shot next week i'll know which one it is.

"i can't. i have rehearsal."

thomas was in a production for kanawha players, "art of murder", and it opened this weekend.  he's put a lot of time into it, and i think he's glad that one, it's up and running, and two, it's going well.  he even got a mention in the paper!  pretty cool.  

i didn't get to have much involvement in the production because i was out of town for so long, but helped out the first week i was back a little bit and came and worked on the set last thursday.  it made me remember all the hours i spent in college working in the basement of the theater with paint cans and power tools, or sitting in the booth running lights, my diet coke beside me so i wouldn't get the board all sticky with soda that i would inevitably spill.  my minor in college was theatre.  hard to believe i've been so removed from it for this long.

i started my theatre life when i was in 9th grade.  i was so shy and terrified of getting in front of people back then.  i guess that hasn't really changed, but i've certainly gotten better as the years have gone by.  i started taking acting classes back then to get my confidence, and loved it.  in high school, i branched out to technical theatre and loved it even more.  i liked it so much it's what drove me to major in mass communications, so i could concentrate on the production aspects of video and get my minor theatre so i could keep doing it.  (funny how i haven't used any of those skills since then.)  it was such a huge part of my life growing up and then it just fell to the wayside.  like so many things i used to enjoy doing.

but i think i'm ready to do it again.  maybe when i get my confidence back, i'll do it.  hell, it doesn't take any guts to build a set, but i'm nervous to volunteer since i'm so out of practice.  i think once i find a show i'm interested in, i'll see what i can get into.  looking forward to the days when i can say, "i can't, i have rehearsal."

the cure for all ills.

what a shit week.  i'll admit that i am having problems adjusting to life in one place.  i got so used to traveling and working ridiculous hours and not being able to exercise or having to do laundry or clean up after myself that i'm seriously having some issues.

this is what life looks like:  i am a freaking mess.

the stresses of everyday life are many, and to top it all off, i'm like an emotional sponge.  i take on everyone else's problems somehow and this week there have certainly been many.  i'm worried about my family, my friends, my job, and it's all coming to a head.  but i felt better tonight than i have in a while.

i have a friend that i met in college.  we had lots of classes together, but she didn't live on campus, so we didn't get as close as we probably could have.  now she lives in the same town as me and i get to see her more frequently, but still not often enough.  after weeks of not hanging out, we finally got to sit down and have a chat over giant cups of coffee.  it's so great to know that there are other people in your life that are having similar feelings or know what you're going through.  sometimes i think we all just need a sounding board to know that we're not alone and help us work through our issues.  i am truly blessed to have her in my life!

i am so thankful for great friends and a cup of coffee.  even though eventually i'll have to deal with life (life is tough, get used to it), i'm convinced that as long as you have both of those, everything else in life can just fall away for an hour or two.

dinner. brought to you by...