"and so castles made of sand..."

melt into the sea pretty quickly in the outer banks.  loved this shot though.
highly appropriate as i've been hearing a lot of jimi hendrix songs pop up unexpectedly lately.  strange.

may, a travelogue. part un.

i finally went on vacation.  i had a long weekend back in february, but may was designated as the month of travel.  check out the map to the right, my entire month's worth of driving.
it was strange traveling for pleasure instead of business.  i did a lot of this on my own, but it wasn't the same as when i travel by myself for business.  i missed thomas a lot.  probably because the two trips he wasn't with me just happened to be weddings, and i was the one full of love and happiness and no one to share it with.  bummer.  still, i travel alone all the time, but somehow, this was different.
the good news is, amidst the mileage, a whopping four thousand plus, i had some great times.

first stop? baltimore before hitting the road to my southern west virginia hometown to meet up with my brother.  the boss invited my group of hooligans to his house for cooking out and conversation.  my personal favorites?  taking a few jumps on the trampoline with "the other guy", who at thirty had never been on one before, and ringing in a new decade with my "twin" on his birthday.  we had fun until the sun began to set and we all went our separate ways.  the only thing in my future happened to be a five and a half hour drive back home.

i arrived at my parents house at 2am.  we were on the road at 8am, headed in the direction of alabama for my uncle's wedding.  he married a wonderful woman, amy, who we're all very excited to "officially" welcome her into the family.  i for one was thrilled to be privy to her amazing margarita recipe, which she made for us at her home where we met the rest of the family (i.e., murphy and milo, the biggest animals i've seen in my lifetime).  the entire family gathered at the rehearsal dinner at a mexican cantina where my dad got an amazing groomsman gift.  check out the mug with the family coat of arms on it!  i'm jealous.

pre-wedding we had a family outing to the rocket museum.  the rockets were pretty cool, but i got my kicks from the scale model of the solar system.  i'm sorry, but uranus jokes never get old, no matter how old i get.

miss baker the space monkey's memorial was pretty entertaining too, with bananas placed around the gravesite.

finally, it was the wedding at the botanical gardens in huntsville, which was a beautiful setting for the wedding. i wish i had arrived early to check out the flowers, i'm sure they were incredible.  the weather had been iffy all day but it managed to hold out for the entire ceremony and reception!  i love the color of the bridesmaid dresses; very fitting for the rest of the scenery at the garden.

i got lots of great pictures at the reception, but will only post this one because it makes me laugh every time i look at it.  naturally, beyonce's 'single ladies' came on when it was time to toss the bouquet.  hanging out inside with the other married people, i got to catch this hilarious picture.  that's my cousin who's my age dancing with my great uncle jack.  it was a hysterical combination of her dance and a mexican hat dance, lots of shaking and turning and waving that hand around.  my family is awesome.


daniel and i made the journey back to wv in eight hours.  it was a long drive, but totally worth it.  seems like i never see the beckner clan unless something great happens, or something tragic happens.  i'm thankful it was the former this time around.

next time:  may, a travelogue, part deux. the new orleans chapter.

a fuzzy memory.

i cant remember what your feet would look like in the sand.
i wish you were here.

dreaming with a broken heart.

it's lonely in this hotel room and id rather be anywhere but here.

"barbecue lifts my spirits, i swear it never fails"...

i am very fortunate that i have a position that takes care of me while i'm out gallivanting across the nation, or it's capital to be precise.  it was a big day at work yesterday and we had a celebration afterwards in the form of a rooftop barbecue.

now, let me describe this place for you.  arlington.  tallest building in crystal city.  there's nothing like getting on to the elevator and skipping all the numbers to go straight for the letter "p".  your spirits get lifted as soon as you press it; you feel like a big shot.  step out of the elevator to the penthouse floor, up the half-flight of stairs and out on to the roof.  you're greeted with a warm breeze, a sky without a single cloud, and an expansive view of washington dc, with the washington monument, jefferson memorial, and capitol building in plain view.  the sun is glittering off the potomac, and you have a cold one in your hand.  stretch out on the lounge chair with my frosty cold budweiser? don't mind if i do.

we cooked an assortment of grilled meats: burgers, sausages, and dogs; corn on the grill, an art that i've never perfected.  it was absolutely delicious, a feast for twenty for ten.  the food, the company, and the atmosphere was stunning.  we laughed for hours until we fell into a deliciousness coma. the sun went down and it was just as beautiful as it was when we arrived.  it could've been the beer goggles, but i swear it was so picturesque.

right on target.

it's been a while.  life has been placed on fast forward and i don't like it.  i hadn't realized it had been an entire month since i had posted anything, and to be perfectly honest, there weren't a lot of things going on in my life that were worth sharing.  life was busy yet boring.  and then i had a near life experience.

thomas got this bug where he wanted a gun for his birthday.  i frowned and fussed and did my best to discourage, but it was his birthday money and he could do whatever he wanted with it.  so he got one.  and then came the steady stream of "let's go to the range! i want to try it out!"

i have no idea how he talked me into it, but he did.  we packed up thomas' new toy and "my gun", my grandfather's old .22 that was given to us when my grandmother passed away.  i had never even looked at the thing, let alone touch it.  i was scared to death of it.  i was fairly frightened of bb guns, for pete's sake.  how the heck was i supposed to use this thing?

it was pouring that day, but we weren't going to let that stop us.  he was on a mission and i was merely along for the ride, happy to see him so excited, but my stomach was churning with nerves.  we got to the range and i jumped every time a pistol fired.  a few deep breaths and lots of coaching later, thomas hands me granddaddy's rifle and says, "ok, now you try it."

i handled it like a one-of-a-kind glass trinket, terrified if i moved the wrong way something would happen to it.  pulling the bolt back, i slid in a single bullet, much smaller than i had imagined.  i locked it into place, settled into my horrible posture, and squeezed.  and with little more than a "whoosh" it was gone.  no kick, no loud "bang!" that i was anticipating, more like a breeze and a whistle.  "that's it?" i questioned in disbelief.  "well, yeah," he replies.  it was so much easier than i though.


about a 1/4 of a box later, i was having a ball.  it was a new challenge.  i was happy to be trying something different.  and yes, i still cringe at the sound of a handgun, but i'm not afraid anymore.  i feel like my grandfathers would be proud of me if they could see me with it.  while i'll never be able to take out more than some aluminum cans or maybe an overly ornery squirrel, it was still pretty cool.  i officially feel like a west by-god virginian.

detroit, delta, depression.

i've been doing this business travel thing for a while but never before has it happened to me.
friday night i got stranded.  officially, 100%, "no way out of this one" stranded.

i made it out of dulles on time, a first for me since starting there four weeks ago.  i got to detroit, quickly grabbing something to eat so i could make it to my gate on time, blasting through my forty-five minute layover like it was nothing.

then the first announcement came.  i got my meal voucher (which wouldn't get me a beer, fyi.  ask me how i know this) and sucked down half a bottle of water and half a bag of sour patch watermelon candies, courtesy of delta.  whatever gets you through the night.  now i'm savvy enough to know that these announcements typically come in threes.  the first two are to tell you you're delayed, and the third is to let you know you're cancelled.  we received two of these announcements and when i stepped on the plane three hours behind schedule, buckled my safety belt, and ensured my tray table was stowed for takeoff, i thought i was golden.  we waited.  and waited.  and waited.

and then the third announcement came.  "folks, we regret to inform you..."and everyone groans and ceases to listen.  we don't care.  we know what's about to come next.  we begrudgingly began to gather our belongings and wait for the jetbridge to come back so we could make our way off the airplane and into the line at the customer care center (which snaked around to the escalator to gates c2-c8, by the way).

by this time it's about 11:30pm.  i was supposed to be home two and a half hours ago, but i know there's no way in hell i'm getting home.  i waited in line and listened to the rumors:  "they're only giving people $100 in delta dollars."  "why are they doing that?"  "because there's no more hotel rooms."  "you've got to be kidding me."  wash, rinse, repeat, until i make it to the desk forty-five minutes later.  while i waited, i looked for a hotel room.  surely, there is a hotel to be found; you can't expect me to believe there are that many people who want to be in detroit for vacation.  i found a marriott not two miles away with a shuttle, sweet victory!!  i did a happy dance in the line because i knew those suckers would be sleeping on the floor, but i would be snuggled in my bed getting a good night's sleep.  i took my $200 delta dollars (being silver status has its benefits, apparently) and new boarding pass and set off for the shuttle.

fast forward twenty minutes.  i'm standing outside said marriott, tears trying not to freeze to my face in the twenty degree night, waiting for the shuttle to take me back.  stupid technology.  you can't book a room after midnight for the same day.  did you know that?  you do now, and i do too, thanks to the hard way.  there wasn't a room in a ten mile radius from the hotel and i didn't have thirty dollars for a cab fare to one further away.  i had never felt more hopeless in my life.

i got back to the airport, went through security again, and back down to where the blankets (all the pillows were gone by this point) and diet coke cans have been pillaged and did what i could to make the best of it.  i found a spot on the floor back in terminal a near the fountain.  it was right beside a small shrubbery, and the planter was the best way i could keep my back to "a wall". i shuddered as i pulled the blanket close to me, shivering, wondering how many other people had used this blanket and what diseases i was bound to contract.  then i remembered i was about to have to sleep on a floor.  in detroit.  god only knows what had been there before.

i slept in two hour stints, waking up for loud pilots, trash pickup near my head, and finally birds chirping as they nested in my shrubbery.  i saw at least a dozen people in the easy chairs around me.  it was like tent city for business travelers.

delta bought me some more candy and water and a bagel.  the personnel at the places i redeemed the vouchers looked at me like i was paying with food stamps.  i know i looked like the closest thing to a homeless person you'd see at an airport.  no luggage meant no toothbrush, no medication, no contact solution, and no clean underwear.  i didn't even feel human.

foruntately my flight went off on time, and i got back home by noon, a mere fifteen hours behind schedule.  at least there was some icing, on the cake, right?  happy saturday.

needless to say, i am not flying again for a very, very long time.

an unexpected lesson.

i was probably seven years old; my brother and i were in the dining room.  "animal golf" was the name of the game.  i went into my room and dug around my bright orange jack-o-lantern bucket full of happy meal toys, g.i.joes, and other plastic creatures. i probably grabbed a handful, but i clearly remember pulling out a rhino and a giraffe for us to use as props in our animal golf game.  i could hardly contain myself with the excitement of taking a golf ball around these obstacles as i tried to get to the goal, the baseboard of the dining room.  we didn't have a hole for the ball to go into.  

well, yet.

we set them up, a little miniature-miniature golf course inside the house.  daniel navigated it well enough, and like everything else in life, i had to try to do it better.  sloppily lining up my last shot, i reared back with the putter and "whack!"  i knocked the golf ball straight into the giraffe, tipping it over, and knocked a hole right into the dining room wall with the putter.  it was probably one of the first real "oh shit." moments of my life.  i started crying right there because i knew whatever trouble i was about to get into wouldn't be pretty.

i don't remember exactly how it went down but i sure do remember my punishment.  dad decided that i would learn to fix the tennis ball sized hole i put in the wall.  i'm sure at the time i was furious that i didn't just get sent to my room for the afternoon and banned from playing outside with my friends for a few days.  it was my first time spackling and patching a hole.

and now, as i take a break from starting the facelift i'm putting on our kitchen, i'm so glad i learned how to do it.  i am a beast with some fiberglass tape. i can fix all the cracks and holes in my ninety year old kitchen walls in about forty minutes.  go me.  good to know that if all else fails, i have a career in house painting.

thanks, dad, for the unintentional life skill.  i'll let you know how it turns out.

five days later.

it's official.  i went back on the road on tuesday.  it's been nothing short of a major life change on the homefront.  new jobs for both of us, even if it is only part time for one of us, and for me its been adjusting to giving up life's more simple pleasures.  as i've said before this was to make me appreciate the "little things that make life worth living" and this week, more than ever, i am full of appreciation.

i am so happy to be doing what i love doing again--managing hourly employees and working alongside managers are two completely different ballgames. i only had one person to hang out with tuesday thru thursday (life without friends is one of the hardest parts).  last week, more than ever, i am thankful that my boss is awesome, and also doubles as a great friend.  i didn't have a computer to piddle around with in the evenings.  i am thankful for the ability to digitally "check out" every once in a while (believe it or not, life goes on without facebook).  i am thrilled that my violin case fits comfortably in the overhead compartment of even the tiniest of aircrafts, as it was my saving grace on wednesday.

i took every chance i could this weekend to enjoy the things i love about charleston.  exhausted, i stopped for coffee on the way home from dc to visit with my best friend.  i lazed on the couch while the cats ran laps around me (followed by getting lazy too and curling up on my lap or above my head), a perfect way to start an otherwise perfect evening.  i went to the usual friday night places and had my favorite beverages (watermelon shots at the red carpet lounge can cure even the worst of ills) with some of my favorite people.  i even met some new people that were actually quite interesting and entertaining.

a road trip with my friend amber to columbus for a book signing was a simple yet enjoyable saturday adventure (sorry i wasn't better company but 350 miles the day before will do you in!).  hours in a barnes and noble is actually something i recommend. i was able to learn all kinds of things i need to check out while i'm in dc for the next three months, almost got into a fight with the barista at starbucks (hey, i take my americanos quite seriously), and finally got my very own signed copy of the "pioneer woman cookbook"!  truly an afternoon to remember.

a past supper club!

the boys cooked us a delicious feast of three varieties of ribs (om nom nom) and more french fries than i'd care to comment on.  supper club is my favorite part of the weekends, a rotating dinner party that's not all gussied up, where we can feast and booze for a fraction of the price of doing it at a restaurant.  i love nothing more than going to someone's house (or hosting here) and spending a quiet evening with friends.  we always have the best food.  i am thankful to be surrounded by friends who can cook!

tonight? keeping it low key with dinner at the neighborhood indian restaurant followed by cocktails and live music upstairs at the lobby.  today was about spending quality time with the husband and i'm looking forward to a delightful evening!

simple pleasures, man.  simple pleasures.

back to reality.

i started this blog four months ago when i came home after a long 8 months of being on the road.  plans were finalized this week.  i return to the skies mid-month.  i'm still not sure how i feel about this.

i started writing because sometimes i think i took for granted the minutiae of everyday life.  routine.  comfort.  i think i like the boring parts of life more than the exciting parts just because i feel more at home.  i needed an outlet to make sure i started thinking about life as more than just vacations and holidays and huge change-your-life moments. thus, the blog came to life.

i'm really glad i like my job as much as i do, because that makes everything easier.  i chose this position this time around and i'm very thankful to be given the opportunity to keep doing something i'm really good at, but i've gotten so settled back into my minutiae that i don't know how i will trade normalcy for constant change.

i preach change, i teach change.

i can't handle change.

i'm not thrilled about trading 7:30 alarm clocks for 4:00 alarm clocks (that 5:30 to charlotte's a bitch), my 5 minute car ride to work for two and a half hours in the sky.  my bunn coffeemaker and bubba keg for starbucks from concourse d in charlotte. (it's always less crowded than the one near the concourse c security checkpoint.  yes, these are things i have to take into account on a weekly basis.)  but i am excited about trading apathy and disinterest for excitement and appreciation, maid service and waffle wednesdays. being surrounded by like minded people that share my work ethic and strive for improvement.

i will miss being able to run on wednesdays and fridays.  i will miss coffee with the girls.  i will miss waking up in my own bed 7 days a week.  i will miss my poor attempts at home cooked meals, feeding the cats every morning, and the cries of "medic!!" as thomas plays team fortress.  i will miss inevitably falling asleep on the couch.

but it's a stepping stone to something better, i'm certain.

right?

crew.

saturday marked an interesting milestone in my life.

i was sitting at our old table at macado's in beckley, where it all started.  it wasn't quarter wing night (some things never change) or karaoke with steve, but it was at its core what it always had been:  my friends from high school, gathered round the table and catching up.  megan looked at us and said, "you know it's been ten years, right?" and though i hadn't realized, it had been.  i looked at the people at the table, minus dane who couldn't make it, and realized that i had called these people some of my best friends for ten years.  it was an amazing moment.

dane is always good for a laugh, even when most of the time its at his expense.  and though he doesn't know it, i envy him sometimes for never letting anyone discourage him from following his dream and doing exactly what makes him happy. it's admirable.

kara was my musical soulmate.  she brought out my creativity and gave me an outlet to use my talent.  we had so many good times at her house, sitting on her carport, strumming the days away.  her house was probably my second home for the better part of a decade.

megan is one of the best conversationalists i know.  she's insightful, empathetic, and always knows the right thing to say that i need to hear, even if its not what i really want to hear.  super creative, her drawings, paintings, and songs were always incredible.

alisha has been my friend for more than ten years.  she's been my concert buddy and always a source for great music.  she's smart, quick-witted, and hilariously sarcastic at times. she didn't even get mad when we got lost in florence together. dave matthews, barenaked ladies, john mayer, guster (times two!) and more to come, i hope!

i  have very few memories of life in the midwest.  i was only five when we moved to west virginia, so most of my life before then is awfully fuzzy.  i can honestly say i can hardly remember a time when bryan was not in my life.  he's been there for me through literally everything.  he's met all of my family.  he's talked me through relationships, deaths, fights, tough decisions, and he's been beside me for many of the happiest times in my life.  i literally don't know what i would do without him.

it's rare that i find someone so much like me, but brian hits the nail on the head.  i love that we can laze around the house, drinking coffee, and talking about "elderly things" like 401k plans and careers and still have a ton of fun.  definitely my favorite shopping partner because of his brutal honesty (and his patience) and travel partner extraordinaire.

we've moved apart and grown apart, but i love that after we got all the formalities out of the way, like work and significant others and families, we could pick right back up where we started.  i am so thankful to have people in my life that have been with me for so long.

"there are places i'll remember all my life, though some have changed; some forever, not for better, some have gone and some remain; all these places have their moments, with lovers and friends i still can recall....i know i'll often stop and think about them...in my life i've loved them all"

cinematic moments.

every once in a while i joke about how many moments in my life are like a sitcom, its just that no one is watching.   i had a moment that although it wasn't sitcom-like, it was rather cinematic to me. a moment where you stop to really take in everything thats going on around you.

i stepped out of the bar in my stilettos, the tips buried in freshly-fallen snow that didn't seem to stop coming down, bringing snow over my feet; it had been perfectly clear when we had arrived.  i shrieked as my prized feathered fedora was already covered, and i hadn't been standing outside for a minute.  we had walked to the bar to avoid driving, but i was fortunate enough to catch a ride back to my house, mere blocks away.  there was no way my shoes would make it in the weather; poor planning on my part i suppose.

we met the others at the house, and as i walked toward the sidewalk where my car was parked, i noticed something rocketing towards me.  quickly turning to the side, i heard the low thud on the back of my coat as the snowball crumbled apart, soaking my back, making me laugh.  at that point it was on.

the snow was perfectly powdered, packing together so tight, like God himself customized the snowball blend for our pleasure.  i ran my hand across the top of my car and started creating my arsenal, all the while dodging snowballs flying from four other directions.

i didn't care that it was after midnight and i'd probably had too much to drink.  i didn't care that my neighbors probably wondered what the hell was going on outside.  i stood still, laughing at the whole thing, watching as they threw snowballs at each other, at my house, doing their best to throw it hard enough that it would stick to the brick facade.  the snow was falling faster every minute, to the point that we would've had feet instead of inches had it kept up.  it looked so beautiful in the light of the lamp post in my front yard.  my feet were turning red from the cold, but somehow it didn't really matter.

sometimes you just have to stop and let yourself drink in the moment.  this is what life looks like.

slow sad songs in 'a'.

it's official:  i am in love.

my parents bought me a violin for christmas.  its something i had talked about for years, wanted for longer, and just never got the guts to try it, so they kind of forced me into trying something new.  except this time, unlike cooked carrots and sweet potatoes, i am glad they forced me to give it a shot.  i absolutely love it!

thinking it was going to be a lot like playing guitar, i jumped right into it.  i at least understand the basics of stringed instruments, but the bow is killing me.  its a lot different for me, not knowing exactly where to put my fingers, working with fewer strings and simpler chords, but i'm getting the hang of it.  i have to take a step back to songs with three or four chords, and leave my minors and diminished chords behind, get back to the simple songs, when g, c, and d were all you really needed.

it hasn't been easy, spending 30 minutes just getting the damn thing in tune some days, getting evicted from the living room because i was so bad, screeching and scratching away at it.  but tonight, a buddy of ours who plays mandolin came over and thomas jumped on guitar and i did my best to keep up.  and it wasn't horrible! four days of playing under my belt and i can fake my way through at a very novice level.  very, very novice level.

today's victory: slow sad songs in "a".

well, you gotta start somewhere.